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| Being in love with you is the only thing I have left. But I have to change. I have to be less dependent on you. I am not going to leave, I wouldn't be able to handle myself if I did. But I need to be, to just be. Free and calm. Happy. Happy is what I need. I want nothing but you 90% of the time. And I really need to at least shy away from that a little bit, so that when things aren't meant to be anymore I can try and let you go. I really hope I never have to, my love for you that over flows from inside me is stronger than anything I've ever felt. I hope to always be your best friend, forever means forever and I hope you never forget it. | | |
| Sometimes I dream, although what happens in death is unknown, that it will bring so many new things to me. Things of beauty...Things you may see in the movies, or in your head, or in drawings or paintings, but never in front of your eyes. The fear I have of losing life is becoming less and less with each passing day. I pray that my God will bring me eternal life engulfed and surrounded by beautiful things. Love, flowers, sunshine, rain, color, black, white, stories, tears, happiness, and so on. "I hope that when the world ends, I'll breathe a sigh of relief because there will be so much to look forward to" -- Donnie Darko <3 | | |
| So, Cole & I just passed our 5 month anniversary. Which is cool. School is still ffucking ridiculous. Family is too. I'm kinda getting better I guess. I cry a little less, only about the important things. But then again I'm hiding a lot more.. | | |
| In comparison to how I felt in early August, things have changed drastically. Cole is still here, thank god, again, but yeah he's still around and next monday will be our four month anniversary :D. I get my braces off the next day and I'm very excited. Other than those things, I've been having a really rough time. I'm taking a lot of advanced classes in school and its tough. My family is almost broke. I'm avoiding my dad and any other confrontation. Day by day I can feel myself weakening. I'm letting other people get to me and stress me out to the point that all I want to do is curl up and cry. Thankfully, I've been reading some of the old xanga entries.. and it makes me want to change myself. So I'm gunna REALLY really try, not just say I'm going to and then not really try. I'm going to try, and hopefully God will help me make it work. | | |
| I went to Hooters today! With Shane & Shayna, it was a super fun time.. I'm tired, and I start preseason tomorrow.
I don't really have much to say.
Except that I love cole, and I miss him to death.
I can't wait to see him tomorrow. | | |
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